Sketchstory No. 18 - 'The Other Side of Motherhood' by Padma Dinesh

Motherhood has been immortalised through ages. Every priest will tell you that mothers are to be revered the most, prior to God also. Every celebrity mother makes it look like cakewalk. But what a majority of people do not know is that, there is another side of motherhood…a side which many mothers may go through, but rarely discuss.

Aparna was elated, when her daughter was born. The child was cute, cherubic and giggly…. the kind that kids’ advertisements would beam. But soon it was evident that she had entered a tough territory.

The years from birth to 3 were almost nightmarish. Changing nappies, feeding at regular intervals, putting the little one to sleep-multiple times a day, waking up at unearthly hours to the child’s cries (resulting in groggy mornings) were the norm. To top it all, the feeling of futility of being at home without pursuing a profession, despite being well qualified, ate into her. Though she knew that it was by choice that she gave up her job to raise her daughter, being ill at ease at the prospect of leaving her at day-care or entrusting her to a nanny, yet it turned out to be a bitter pill which she had to swallow.

The only silver lining was her husband, who was hands-on in raising their daughter and whenever he was home, he took full care of the little one. She was pretty sure that minus his support she would have been an emotional wreck to a higher degree…..because an emotional wreck she was- fighting all those negative emotions of helplessness and haplessness.

She craved for me-time. She craved for the time to just be….to not work round the clock… to do something different… to amuse herself in solitude.

She kept wondering why no one ever prepared her for what was in the anvil, in the context of motherhood-not even her mother. When she used to communicate her troubles, people would say it will be tough for a while. As she kept pondering, she realised that her mother and many women from the latter’s generation were home-makers. For them, their family was the fulcrum on which their life hinged. They did not have aspirations or may be, resigned to a fate forgoing their aspirations. On the contrary today’s women are educated, have jobs and a mind of their own. It was exactly the reason she was perturbed…..However this realisation dawned on her not in those early years, but gradually as life unfolded it’s lessons.

However, time flies and now things have changed. In fact they changed once her daughter started going to school and she embarked upon a career that enabled her to find a work-life balance. Now her daughter is a teenager. She is independent and yet bound by invisible strings to her.

When her daughter was very young and called “Amma!” “Amma!” a few scores a day, Aparna would be at tether’s end. Now also she calls out “Amma come here for a moment!” and occasionally Aparna does get irritated, but the journey of motherhood has become smoother now or so it feels. But she knows that it’s a long journey with many more destinations to reach.

Next time, somebody glorifies motherhood, I will certainly tell them… “True, but there is an other side to it.”

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